Choosing the Sword

May 19, 2017

The chapter of The Cherry Champion that I posted today (Your Own Worst Enemy) involves a sensitive topic to many people, myself included. First and foremost, writing’s my outlet for such feelings, so no matter how lighthearted Girl in Red may be… at times, know that I take the topic very seriously. If nothing else, I’ve been there.

Neville had a choice: life or sword. He ultimately chose life, but not everyone does. Not everyone can. Sometimes, life just piles it on, and it feels like there’s no escape. In the first draft of the chapter, I had Neville remembering some words of encouragement that his friends said. He snapped out of it without harming himself, and that was the end of it.

Then I remembered my own experience with depression and scrapped it. When you’re falling into the darkness, you don’t look for the light. You look for reasons to be depressed, reasons to fall further into the darkness. It feels like no one’s going to save you, and sometimes, no one does.

I dealt with depression through most of high school, and those feelings felt like a weight on my shoulders. Time passed, and I moved on, but a few weeks before writing Your Own Worst Enemy, those feelings came back, but this time, I was ready for them. I sat down, and I wrote about it.

To everyone fighting depression, I encourage you to express yourself in some way. Bottling the feelings up inside only makes them worse. They bleed out if you do, and in my experience, it pushes people away. Sing, draw, write, act, it doesn’t really matter.

Most importantly, remember that there’s always someone who cares. For me, it was my family and some of my friends (although some were more hazardous to my mental health than others). Teenagers: The adults might seem like the enemy, but they’ve been there. Talk to your teachers, or your parents, or even your friends’ parents. Someone out there understands what you’re going through, and you’re not alone.

If you’re one of those people who cares, speak up. Let them know you care. I promise you won’t regret it.