The Story Behind My Emotions Don't Work Right
I write a lot about being different. I’ve always been different from everyone else, as far back as I can remember. I managed to find people a lot like me, but I was still different. We were different.
One thing I noticed was that I’d get excited when other people wouldn’t. I still do, but I’m better at hiding it. I want to express how happy I am to see someone, but I don’t want to make that person uncomfortable, so I restrain myself. Part of it is having ADHD; my emotions fluctuate more than others’ do.
I started thinking about that a few weeks back, and realized it wasn’t just getting overexcited to see people. It’s also the opposite end. When someone will tell me something, I want to be happy for them, but I don’t feel anything. Sometimes it’s because my mind is somewhere else entirely, others is because I wouldn’t care if it weren’t someone about whom I care telling me.
As I thought more about it, I remembered many times I’d written poetry to express my feelings throughout my life. In particular, I’d try to express something that has always been challenging for me to express: romantic love. Instead of saying “I like you a lot, will you go out with me?” (something with which I still struggle), I’d write a poem expressing that. I stopped when, after several attempts, my success rate remained 0%.
Even though people haven’t always understood or accepted the way I feel, I know that somewhere out there, there are people who will. I wrote My Emotions Don’t Work Right for everyone like me, who struggles with this, so they’ll know they’re not alone. Maybe people didn’t accept me back then. Not everyone accepts me now. But there are other people like me, and we all deserve acceptance.
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